36 million drivers would flunk drivers tests

(AOL Autos) — Is it just your imagination, or do many of your fellow motorists lack even a rudimentary grasp of traffic laws?

Not only that, but most of my fellow motorists lack a fully developed cerebellum and opposable thumbs.

One in six drivers would fail driving test if they had to take it today, a GMAC test suggests.

Five in six would fail to win a game of tic-tac-toe against a used pickle.

Four in six went from riding in a little yellow bus to driving a little yellow cab.

Seven in six have webbed feet.

Two in six can read. One in six can read books.

Three in six are Carnie Wilson.

Well, if a test administered by GMAC Insurance is any indication, one in six people cruising our highways and byways — roughly 36 million licensed drivers — would flunk their driver’s test if they had to take it today. Not only that, but based on the 2007 GMAC Insurance National Drivers Test data the state with the most road-going dummies is New York, while the most knowledgeable ones are out West to Idaho.

It makes sense that Idaho drivers are the most knowledgeable as their cars are run by potatoes and potato cars require more training than non-potato cars.

Cars in Idaho are called Spudsters and when hot, can be quite delicious. You have to keep them in garages or they get eaten during the night by coyotes.

“The results were pretty eye-opening to us,” says Gary Kusumi, president and CEO of GMAC Insurance Personal Lines. “Not only did they indicate that there are wide differences in terms of state scores, but there were significant trends that demonstrated the general public might have forgotten must-know items from when they first took their driver’s test.”

It’s great to see a reporter have the courage to shock the world with a breaking story so unrelenting in its truth that it shatters the very fabric of time and humanity.

This just in: People are stupid

“Two questions consistently sent respondents skidding into the weeds,” Kusumi notes. The first has to do with the correct action to take when approaching a steady yellow traffic light (Answer: Stop if it is safe to do so.). A whopping 84 percent of respondents spun their wheels on that one. The next biggest puzzler after that question had to do with the proper following distance from a car in front of you (Answer: Two seconds).

Skidding into the weeds? What kind of stupid saying is that? I can see how the questions could cause respondents to smoke weed, just not so sure about skidding into them, unless someone who lives in a weed infested trailer stole a laptop, in which case he’d probably be doing both.

Also of interest from the GMAC Insurance test:

• Drivers 35 and older were more likely to pass

A kidney stone?

• Illinois, Georgia, Washington, D.C., Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island and Massachusetts were the least knowledgeable states overall, with average scores under 75 percent

Ha Ha, Rhode Island is soooo stupid. They spelled road wrong. Dummies.

• Fifty-five percent of the respondents didn’t know how many feet before making a left or right turn to activate their turn signals

My guess would be four. That way you’d only need 2 pairs of shoes.

• The national average score was 77.1 percent

“We believe that the adoption of a uniform driver curriculum will significantly improve the driving skills of Americans,” says Adele Kristiansson, a spokesperson for the National Road Safety Foundation. “Some states do not require mandatory education for novice drivers, and some states require it,” adds Kristiansson. “My organization is concerned because driver education is an orphaned child and it’s suffering.”

I always thought of driver education as teaching people to drive, but I can see how it’s like an suffering orphan. Like, how driving home drunk with another drunk person can lead to orphans who are all but guaranteed to suffer greatly.

On the Web at www.nationalroadsafety.org, and offering free programs to the public, the National Road Safety Foundation was created in 1961 by Fraydun Manocherian, after two youthful friends were killed in automobile accidents in Westchester County, New York.

My precious?!…Fraydun…Where is my precious?!

According to GMAC Insurance, 18 percent of respondents failed its National Driving Test in 2007, compared with 9 percent in 2006. The test can be taken online at www.gmacinsurance.com.

I wonder what score I would get for crashing my car into my computer while I’m taking the test.