ASHLAND, Ky. (AP) — A man wearing a ski mask used a stapler to hold up an eastern Kentucky ice cream store - and briefly got away with $175, authorities said.

It never fails. Whenever I’m in a rut and can’t think of anything good to write about, along comes good ole Kentucky to save the day. One part of me wishes he robbed the store with a spoon demanding he get free samples of every single flavor in the store “elsems this heare spoon be used fer somethin els not scoopin like, uh huh…”. Another part of me wishes that he robbed the store with a pitchfork while wearing overalls before motoring away on his tractor feeding the stolen ice cream to the pig sitting on his lap. And another part of me wishes that he walked into the store holding a possum by the tail saying “this’m here ded pussum gots the rabees an the fut n’mout diseaz so giv’m over now or I’l sik’m on ye”. And yet another part of me wishes that he robbed the store with a sealed and seemingly empty moonshine bottle, which he would calmly claim contained all of his failed dreams which he would unleash upon all the sinners if they didn’t let him use the restroom. Fearing an onslaught of lost souls reminiscent of Raiders of the Lost Ark, the Ice Cream shop owner would gladly sign over his life’s savings.

Gerald A. Rocchi, 32, was arrested shortly after he flashed a chrome-plated stapler at an employee of The Ice Cream Shop in Ashland on Tuesday and demanded money, police said.

That’s only because he figured the 14 year-old behind the counter wouldn’t have any meth.

Ashland Police Capt. Don Petrella said he didn’t know if Rocchi planned to shoot staples at the shop’s employees or use it as a blunt instrument if he didn’t get the cash.

Maybe he threatened to staple all the credit card receipts to the coupons making a serious mess for whoever had to close up that night.

It didn’t come to that because the employees handed over the cash, Petrella said.

I’m surprised that he proud employees of the ice cream shop didn’t feel it necessary to risk their lives to protect the business.

Several witnesses saw Rocchi leave the shop and told police where he was headed, Petrella said. After arresting Rocchi, police searched his house and found money, a stapler and a ski mask, Petrella said.

At least he didn’t try to make things difficult for everyone be being all smart and sneaky and hiding everything.

Petrella said the stapler’s chrome finish could have made it look like a gun “if someone didn’t get a good look at it.”

Yeah, maybe if the person being robbed was less than a week old, blind, and had a rare genetic mutation that made it difficult to distinguish staplers from guns.

Rocchi was charged with first-degree robbery. He made his first appearance in Boyd District Court on Wednesday morning. He did not have an attorney at the hearing.

If this doesn’t make it to Judge Joe Brown, then my faith in the legal system will be forever tarnished.