Referee - Reeeeealllly low grade actor (think Telemundo fill-ins) hired to wear a referee uniform and call “puppy fouls”, every time a puppy made a mess on the field, at which point he would forfeit any dignity holding on for dear life in his zebra striped body when he would clean the doody with his penalty flag

Camera guy - Backing out of the Schwartz bar-mitzvah to work for animal planet is a move he will regret until his final breath has left his smelly little pie hole

Props:

Puppy Chute - Where puppies would be forced onto the playing field. Some puppies would try to scamper back up, as they were scared to death of getting bullied by the bigger puppies

Puppy Bowl - For lapping of water. The puppy bowl came equipped with a puppy-cam to catch this often mysterious act from angles never before seen by humans. Every once in a while a puppy would put his paw into the bowl only to be unknowingly caught by the puppy-cam.

Iams Instant Replay - Just in case someone missed the puppy putting his paw in the water

Length of Puppy Bowl:

Length of Super Bowl

Action during Puppy Bowl:

Puppies walking around, occasionally stopping to sniff each other’s butts, or drink a little water. This cycle of fun would repeat itself with new puppies being inserted onto the playing field through the chute, while the tired and now useless puppies would mysteriously disappear

Action that would have taken place had I planned the Puppy Bowl:

The game would start with mice and kittens interacting, with baby pitbulls added into the mix after a couple of minutes. After the bobcats and wild boars entered the fray, animals of escalating size and ferocity would enter the stadium culminating with a baby whale being dropped onto the stadium. This event would be called the Dorito’s Food-Chain Bowl.

Actual excerpts taken from AnimalPlanet.com:

We’ve got plays, tackles, and fumbles too, only ours are much cuter!

A fiesty Jack Russell Terrier named Bandit earned “Most Valuable Puppy” after our day of amazing puppy plays.

Spaying and Neutering Are Good for the Community (spaying and neutering most of the people that live in said community would be far more beneficial to everyone, but that’s another post)

Catch all of the plays, tackles and fumbles of a typical Sunday afternoon, but with an adorable twist. In the first-ever Puppy Bowl, watch Itsy the French bulldog, Maxie the lovable lab, Bandit the 13-week-old Jack Russell Terrier and a whole roster of cuddly canines as they pounce and play in the cutest “sporting event” of the year.

this is one game that gives new meaning to the term “dog day afternoon.”

Actual reviews of the Puppy Bowl:

This was an absolutely darling idea! My husband and I watched it with our 9 month old puppy, who was completely riveted. She ran up to sniff the television everytime one of the puppies whined or barked. We knew we had to get this DVD as soon as we saw it was available just to relive all the hilarious and warm fuzzy moments.

enjoyed all the dogs. the ref cleaning the field and giving penaltes was funny.

As one of the most brilliantly conceived spectacles of human entertainment, the Puppy Bowl reigns supreme. I tried to change the channel when I first saw this, but it was impossible. The cuteness took control of my body and almost forced me to watch. I cannot wait to relive the joy I had of seeing the Puppy Bowl when this DVD is released. Then, and only then will the masses know of the happiness and purest, warmest feelings that only newborn canines can provide!

The best part is when the Ref comes out and cleans up the soiled turf with the penalty flag. Great fun!

Without exaggerating, this was the most inventive, original thing I’ve seen in many, many years. I sat there mesmerized the whole time, well, aside from giggling every couple of minutes.

This is so funny. The golden retriever washes his paws a lot. I laughed the entire time.

Yesterday, I watched this for 8 hours over and over again.

if you are in a bad mood or feeling depressed nothing will feel bad after 2.5 hours of pure puppy fun!!!

This is the most amazing tribute to the superbowl ever, with classic NFL music and commentator, this is a real pleaser. These puppies get penalized for doing their poo, its soo cute, and the waterbowl camera is too much fun. It will get your wife in the mood too.