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Random Videos
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I ran into someone named Bambi the other day and it turns out that Bambi was her real name. What could possibly possess a parent to name their child Bambi? Did they put a pole in her crib? As a toddler, would she walk around in 6 inch clear pumps with a little Nemo swimming around the heel? Did she play Nine Inch Nails for her while she was in the womb? Now, I understand that some strippers use fake names such as Lexus, Sapphire, and Nikki, because strippers named Marge Finklestein don’t separate men from their wads of singles crumpled up in their pockets. If you want your child to grow up to be something respectable like a doctor or a politician, you should name them something boring such as Condoleeza, or Frank. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times…No woman named Frank will ever be a stripper. She may work at a deli, but she won’t be beating meat in a sexy nurse outfit (get it? Beating meat?). If you name your child after a precious stone then by the time she’s 18 she’ll be collecting her paycheck in her thong. It’s not often that you hear someone say “Hi hot stuff. My name is Candy and I’m going to be your gastroenterologist. O’mygod, that’s like so many syllables! I’m going to…like, fix your stomach or something! So, do you come here often? Wanna buy me a drink while I have my helper person take your blood pressure? Put some big bills on the gurney if you want some hot scalpel action and keep the tips coming.”
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