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Random Videos
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Here is but a sampling of some strange accidents that I’ve had:
I was eating a Jalapeno Popper that I had just taken out of the oven. I didn’t let them cool down, thus they were still scalding hot. I eagerly took a bite into one of them, causing it to burst with the cheese-lava spattering onto my chin. I yelped in pain as my chin started sizzling. You could smell the sweet combination of cream cheese, Jalapeno, and flesh. There was a red burn mark on my chin for a couple of weeks.
While riding my bike up a hill, I was distracted daydreaming about something, more than likely involving juggling monkeys. Obviously not paying attention at all, I rode my bike right into a car. A parked car. A parked car with people inside of it. A parked car facing my direction with the people in it looking right at me and seeing the whole thing. Seeing me end up upside down on my bike. Usually I can play things off pretty well, but there really wasn’t much I could say in that particular situation. I did the only thing I could think of, which was to get up, not say anything pretending like nothing just happened and ride off.
When I was a tiny little Jew, I was warming myself after coming home from skiing. Getting a tad bit too close to the fireplace, I ended up getting a nice chunky grill mark burnt right onto my little behind.
When I was delivering a pizza, I knocked over a stop sign while being distracted by a bikini girl. In my defense, the stop sign was in the middle of the road, not on the side of it, so I never actually left the road. But, on the other hand, it’s not like the sign was invisible…
With bills out of control, I got an advance from work to try and catch up a little bit. I went straight to the horse track and lost all the money. On the way home I totaled my car.
As a teenager I used to get bloody noses really easily. When I was in 6th grade, we were about to take a test that I really wanted to avoid. I punched myself in the nose and told the teacher that I was about to get a bloody nose and that I should go to the nurse. She didn’t believe me so I bled on the floor. She then sent me to the nurse. Go me!
I was walking around the corner at work and fell. This was when I was larger, so the fall was reminiscent of the giant Imperial Walkers in Return of the Jedi, falling to the ground after getting caught in a trap set by one of those pesky Ewoks. It was the most awkward fall ever in the long illustrious history of falls. It happened in slow motion and if my memory serves me right I think there was even a music score. The whole time I was falling I was praying that nobody was watching. I saw my life flash in front of my eyes. As I hit the ground with an earth rattling thump, I quickly looked up. OH NO! Jane was sitting a mere 5 feet from the scene of the accident. She didn’t even look up. Amazing. How could she have possibly missed it? Was she was deaf. Had I been working with a lip reader all this time without knowing it? I didn’t think so, but now I wasn’t so sure. I wiped my brow in relief. No one had seen me. As I picked myself up, I saw the one thing I had hoped to avoid. Down the hall, Paul was staring right at me with the biggest Cheshire Cat grin you’d ever want to punch off someones smug face. I knew from that moment on that I’d never hear the end of this story. I haven’t. But he was once repeatedly bitten by a large rat, so I can always bring that up.
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