At least they were thoughtful enough to make it both boneless and reasonably priced. I bet it tastes especially delicious with a thin slice of pepper-jack cheese and a dab of honey mustard sandwiched between two Eucharist wafers. Also, if you cook it backwards for exactly 3 hours you can see an image of the Virgin Mary cooked into the ham.

Yesterday I stopped at a store to pick up a water gun to use in training my new kittens to not hop on the coffee table. An employee offered to help and when I told her what the gun was for she started offering all sorts of advice I would expect from a decapitated retarded donkey corpse. She mentioned that maybe a paper bag would scare him, which was very helpful as we all know how much kittens hate playing with crinkled up paper bags. I’m surprised she didn’t ask if they were neutered so that she could advise me to use my fingers to pinch their testicles whenever they hopped on the table.

At one point she said “Oh, kittens, they’re the ones who lift their legs when the go…(she lifted her leg slightly as she said this) Oh…wait a second…those are dogs! I’ve never had any cats or dogs.” Yeah… you not ever owning a pet explains why you’re dumber than an empty hermit crab shell.I do believe that I had the great fortune to run into the one person who has heard the following phrase during an interview at Wall-Mart “I’m sorry, but we find you under-qualified to be a greeter.”

speaking of which…

I took this picture at the bookstore. I thought it very kind of them to add a new section for various types of pussies.

I had a dream last night that my father called me to tell me that my sister and her friends were arrested for robbing and killing some ninja. It was never made entirely clear in my dream whether they were real ninja or just men riding ninja motorcycles. Also, if they were real ninja, what were they after? Normally ninja aren’t known to carry cash or credit cards, at least to my knowledge. So possibly they were targeting someone who would be in possession of smoke bombs or throwing stars, most likely for a bigger heist they had planned. Or the thought crossed my mind that they were evil ninja who were also ruthless businessmen, thus making it more likely that they would carry wallets with them, or even deeds to properties and nightclubs, which my sister and her friends could “coerce” the head ninja into signing over to her. Or maybe they were good ninja who just don’t make enough cash ninjaing, so they had to have day jobs working in delis and such to subsidize their attempt to continue to be ninja in an age where such an endeavor really doesn’t pay all that much as there aren’t that many ninja left, especially in the states. Unless they were, and this is entirely possible…movie ninja. Now I do realize that there were far more movie ninja in the 70s and 80s than there are right now, but there is the occasional need for a ninja in Hollywood. It would have to be someone who has the flexibility to also play a samurai, or a sushi chef. And if that were the case, even getting paid the SAG minimum, there would be the chance of getting the ninja to sign over their paycheck, assuming that they had just came from picking them up. I’m not sure what this dream means, but I find myself a little worried about my sister right now.